Yesterday, we featured three shops that took part in the 2025 Bespoked UK Apocalypse Build-Off, and today, we’re showcasing the two hours during which absolute chaos ensued in the venue’s car park. Read on for a bonkers gallery and write-up from John below…
The Radavist thanks Tailfin for supporting our 2025 Bespoked UK coverage and our independent Reportage!
“Who would you want in your bunker? Why are you in a bunker? If you have a bunker, you’re fruity enough to have heaps of supplies – so it’s a question of how long you think you’ll need to be in the bunker versus how overstocked on supplies you are. Will you make it that long with an extra person eating their way through your stuff, until starvation – or more likely, dehydration – kills you? Or are you in it for the long haul, hiding out for a bit and then trying to survive in the world?” – Petor Georgallou, 2025, X years before societal collapse.
As a refresher, we posted the Bespoked announcement when the competition was announced, but I can break it down again. The cost of entering the Build Off was £80 for independent bike shops, mechanics, and constructeurs, while entry is free for Bespoked exhibitors.
The bike must have:
- Wheels
- Brakes
- Seat
- Steering
- Drivetrain
- Something to carry luggage
- Anti-theft system
- Sleeping system
- Tools/repair kit
- Tools to make fire (lighter/matches = O points; +1 if no lighter or matches)
- Something to cut wood
- Some empty storage for food/ surprise finds +1 per 501
- A shelter
- Cooking equipment (must be able to boil water) + a cooked one-person meal
- Printed and bound document outlining design theory/considerations, parts used, and a costing of each part as well as the total cost/ weight of the bike with/ without luggage.
The bikes had to be budget-minded:
- Sub £250: +20
- Sub £500: +10
- Over £1000 = scratch
Note: this applies only to parts and materials used at a reasonable market rate. Your time is free, you can spend as much or as little as you like, and there is no cost associated with your own labor.
You can nerd out more on this at Bespoked.
Judging the Apocalypse
Petor bestowed upon me the great honor of crowning the “Best” bike from the 2025 Bespoked UK Apocalypse Bike Build-Off. As he’s requesting this, my anxiety took over. “I’m not here to crown any one specific project; I don’t want to make enemies at the show” was my initial thought. We walked up the staircase to the mezanine level in the Victoria Baths, and my mind melted.
“NOW THIS IS A FUCKIN’ BIKE SHOW!” I thought to myself. Truth told, not since I went to Bike Kill in 2007 in Brooklyn had I seen such ingenuity and ridiculousness on display.
In a proper apocalypse mindset, all rules were off. I wanted to see practicality. My mind began to run through a list of no-brainers:
- Fat bike tires? Give me a break! You can’t survive with a fat bike. You can’t even find fat bike tires in bike shops today!
- It had to be nimble to evade hordes of aliens/zombies/cannibals
- The bike cannot be flashy. It’ll attract attention. It needs to be able to be hidden in plain sight.
- Standard wheel bases limit carrying capacity. I wanted it to be a cargo bike of some sort.
- Even with a limited budget, it should have a dynamo for lighting.
Making my way around the exhibitors, I found some clever ideas on display. Seabass Cycles, for example, had a shotgun holster, a cutting board, and a grill setup for shooting pheasants or game birds, dressing, and grilling. You won’t be able to buy fresh meat. The Babyldn Bikes crew had a nice collapsible wood-burning stove with a telescoping chimney for warming up your tent and boiling water for tea.
Tomo Bikes‘ three-wheeled fat bike was exquisite but potentially too complicated for navigating all the cars stalled on the roadways. Bikefix‘s rolling garden concept was great, but it felt very cumbersome and heavy – I had to lift it into a van before the show with Petor. The Stayer Cycles was a work of art, but I feared it would have ground clearance issues, which it eventually displayed during the chaos.
There was but one choice for a bike I’d actually want to ride during the apocalypse, and we’ll look at it in detail tomorrow…
APOCALYPSE NOW!
Brother Cycles graciously worked with a number of the shops on supplying bike frames for the build-off and laid out the course for the mayhem-filled main event. There was a diabolical ramp and a series of obstacles you had to navigate. Tight turns, palette hops, and a water feature that screamed broken ankle to me in all caps.
In fact, the entire setup screamed broken ankle.
After the initial runs, contestants were timed as they navigated the course. One by one, they made their way through, while evading a cycling zombie, smoke bombs, and a smoke machine that filled the entire car park with smoke instantaneously.
Immediately, Wayne from Tailwind Cyclery had a nasty crash. When I texted the third photo above to Cari, she asked, “Is this person still alive?” Yeah, look at that tangle of steel and legs…
Later on, Konstantin Drust commented, “I saw that and immediately felt that was the end of Bespoked.”
I counted one helmet.
Surprisingly, Wayne walked away with but a mere flesh wound and was right back in the mix, immediately!
I don’t even remember who “won” this absurdity with the fastest time, and it doesn’t matter. What matters is a handmade bike show put on an event like this!
Apocalypse Reflection
Handmade bikes are great. Freak/weird/cobbled/shit bikes like this are indicative of how they can be fun and completely absurd at the same time. This sideshow broke up the showcase’s indoor vibes and brought the audience outside to engage. More bike shows ought to have actual bike riding. Even though young children missed a handlebar by but inches during the race, times like this are fun for the whole family.
In the end, what each of these builders, shops, and people displayed was a creative mind, clever problem-solving, and the ability to think beyond the confines of a bike show, all while having a wicked good time. That’s what left a lasting impression on me about Bespoked, and I’ve documented so many framebuilder showcases.
Hell yeah to all of you for this cacophonous catastrophe. You made my week.
Well, which Apocalypse Build-Off creation is your favorite? Let us know in the comments!
As a thank you to the builders for their time and energy, I’ve uploaded all of these images to The Radavist’s Dropbox for your use!
The Radavist thanks Tailfin for supporting our 2025 Bespoked UK coverage and our independent Reportage!